Cracks Beneath the Surface
Posted on Sat Sep 20th, 2025 @ 11:21am by Lieutenant Kev Walker & Lieutenant JG Alicia Santos
977 words; about a 5 minute read
Mission: Respite
Main Engineering was alive with its usual rhythm, with the hum of plasma conduits, the low chatter of technicians, the quiet chirp of consoles reporting their endless status updates. To most people, it was background noise. To Kev it was a kind of music, steady, reliable, predictable in a way most of life wasn’t.Unfortunately, today wasn’t a day for predictability. He’d heard the whispers of how Lieutenant Santos had thrown herself back into work the moment they returned from Adelphous, how she’d been on shift far more than regulations allowed. Engineering crews tended to keep their own counsel, but Kev had seen the exhaustion in her eyes at the memorial service. And he knew what it meant to bury yourself in duty. He made his way into the compartment, nodding to the few officers on duty until he spotted her at a secondary power relay console, sleeves rolled up, hair tied back, working like the ship itself depended on her.
“Santos,” Kev said quietly as he stopped beside her. “Got a minute?”
Alicia almost didn’t hear the officer speaking to her. The console hummed with the crackle of diagnostics, and the haze of fatigue formed a kind of bubble around her. But the voice cut through the haze, and it was a familiar one. She looked up and startled, blinking as if she’d forgotten the rest of the world existed. “Lieutenant Walker.” Her voice was even, but her throat felt dry. “Yeah, sure. I'm just recalibrating this relay. It’s running a millisecond slow on the power feed.” She tapped the console once more before she turned towards him and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “What’s up?”
Kev studied her for a moment, seeing more in the slump of her shoulders than she probably realized she was showing. “I could ask you the same thing. You’ve been down here since what, the morning after you returned from Adelphous?” He moved closer, lowering his voice so the other engineers couldn’t overhear. “Alicia, nobody expects you to keep the Eclipse running by sheer willpower. You’re allowed to take a break.”
Alicia felt her jaw tighten. The words hit harder than she expected, but she forced a small shrug. “I’m fine. Keeping busy helps.” Even as she said it, she knew the lie was thin. The memory of Adelphous pressed at the edges. She’d been one step away from being one of the names in the memorial herself. “I just... I can’t sit still. Not right now.”
Kev leaned against the console, arms crossed. He recognized the tone, the edge in her voice. He’d used it himself after past missions that went sideways. “I get it,” he said quietly. “I’ve buried myself in work too. It feels like if you just keep fixing things you don’t have to think about what you can’t fix.” He let the words hang between them before continuing. “But there’s a line between coping and burning yourself out. And you’re straddling it.”
Alicia let out a sharp exhale, half a laugh, half a sigh before she dragged a hand through her hair. For a moment, she didn’t meet his eyes. “You’re not wrong. I keep seeing it, Walker. Noa, Rogers, the creature. Sometimes it's like I’m back there every time I close my eyes. So, I don’t close them. Simple as that.”
Kev’s expression softened. He wasn’t great with words of comfort, but he knew when to push and when to steady. “Look, nobody’s asking you to forget. You couldn’t if you tried. But running yourself ragged down here isn’t going to bring them back and it isn’t going to make the images fade any faster.” He shifted slightly closer, his tone steady. “What will help is not carrying it alone. Talk to me, to T’Mara, to Grey, hell, even Sato if you want. Just don’t make Engineering your shield. You don’t have to.”
For a long moment she stayed quiet, her jaw clenched and eyes fixed on the console as though it held the answers. Finally, she whispered, “You ever lose someone on a mission?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yeah. My first posting right out of the academy. We lost our chief engineer to a plasma rupture. I was just an ensign. I thought I could’ve done something, should’ve caught it earlier. I spent months living down there in the guts of the ship, pretending if I just worked harder, nobody else would die. It didn’t work. All it did was eat me alive until someone called me on it.”
That struck deeper than she expected. She looked at him and saw the shadow behind his eyes. “I guess I’m not the first to try and fix grief with a hyperspanner,” she said softly. Her lips curved in something like a smile, weary but real. “Thanks, Walker. For noticing and saying something.”
Kev gave a small nod. “Anytime. And if you want, I’ll keep checking in to make sure you’re actually taking breaks instead of pretending.” He pushed off the console, giving her space again. “Just don’t make me start scheduling nap time into the duty roster. You’d never live that down.”
“All right, fine,” Alicia said, shaking her head. “I’ll try. I can’t promise miracles, but I’ll try.” She glanced back at the relay, then back to him. “And maybe talking would help. If you’re serious about checking in.”
“I’m serious,” Kev said, his tone leaving no room for doubt. “You’re not alone in this, Santos. Don’t forget it.” With that, he gave her shoulder a firm, grounding pat before heading toward the exit.
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